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Parenting at Home: Reimagining Pastoral Theology During a Global Pandemic

Current Events, Faith Practices, Social Justice

By Nereyda Yong and Aizaiah G. Yong.

Two of the most prominent revelations that have come from the COVID-19 pandemic are the widespread inequities that continue to plague marginalized communities as well as the devastating effects due to multiple centuries of systemic racism. What has also been made visible, however, are the precarious circumstances in which women are forced to live. Recent studies have shown how women all over the world have been disproportionately thrust into full time child-rearing responsibilities and in the racialized US context, Black and Latina women are among those least likely to retain their jobs, leaving them without a sustainable source of income while still being expected to provide full-time care for their children. 

Along with these disheartening facts, it is important to name that child-rearing has long been neglected in the study of practical theology due to patriarchy.1 Our response is to counter this trend by centering the experiences of Black and Latina mothers through the pandemic so that we might identify more holistic social responses moving forward.2 Our bias is that “care work” at home (and especially the act of raising young children) is critical for social renewal3 and a key site for pastoral theological reflection.4 As both of us are children of immigrants and parents of color (we both share Mexican-American ancestry), we have struggled to find spiritual resources that represent our unique experiences and wonder what wisdom a new pastoral theology of pandemic parenting could offer to others? Additionally, as we are both committed to intersectional analysis, we also hope to disrupt male-dominated representations within pastoral theology by centering the role mothers play in social transformation.

The Inequitable Impacts of the Pandemic on Black and Latina Women

While the global COVID-19 pandemic has disrupted all dimensions of public life, one of the most glaring realities was the disproportionate impacts on Black and Latina women as well as their young children. For many women, life at home was anything but safe. Various studies tell of the rise of domestic violence (a 35% increase from pre-pandemic life) and for those who were single parents, if they did not lose their job altogether, many had to quit their job in order to provide full-time care for their children when child care facilities shut down. Not only were these women facing challenges personally, but so were their children. Emerging research has shed light on the mental toll placed upon children as well as the increased levels of poverty and food insecurity. Thus, the pandemic has forced Black and Latina women into a multi-layered oppression and has certainly resulted in a loss of “productivity” (including within religious scholarship). While recognition is the first step, what practices of resistance and spiritual care are available that might support women in this situation?

Practicing Compassion as Resistance and Care

As parents who have faced the burden of losing our access to child-care for the majority of the pandemic, we have experienced tremendous support through our engagement in spiritual practices of compassion. Spiritualities of compassion invite and empower the parent to relate to their challenges in life from a compassionate core, and in our experience, we have discovered that these practices are in and of themselves practices of resistance and care.5 We have shared elements of these compassion spiritualities6 with other Black and Latina mothers who are parenting amidst the pandemic and have been touched by how these practices have resourced and encouraged them.7

As we have sought to practice spiritualities of compassion8 throughout the pandemic, we have noticed significant benefits to our parenting and overall well-being including (but not limited to): self-honoring awareness, appreciation of the sacred within the ordinary, and mutuality. When it comes to self-honoring awareness, these practices invite the parent to an interior state of stillness to bring difficult experiences more fully into awareness (whether it be frustration or sadness among others) and to see them for what they truly are. In so doing, one can be more aware of the power, wisdom, and value within themselves and within their body and is more able to live the next day honoring what their body and soul needs. This work counters the patriarchal histories which demand that women deny themselves and self-sacrifice their own well-being for the sake of another. 

Secondly, practicing compassion spiritualities have enabled us to experience more deeply the sacred in mundane moments of life. Rather than seeking a patriarchal spirituality that avoids or is free from everyday life, this practice has allowed us to experience deep meaning and value through the most menial tasks, bringing to our awareness to how we honor and promote our overall wellbeing as we care for and nurture our children. Lastly, the compassion practice has helped us to respond to the children in our household with a posture of mutuality rather than hierarchy. We have learned to open our hearts to receive much from the lessons of our children and the divine insights from their wisdom, love, and creativity.

 We hope this witness can help other mothers who are often expected to care for others at their own expense to instead choose self-honoring awareness and loving connection with their children. As we bring to light the ways in which Black and Latina women continue to be marginalized, we believe now is a time to learn, re-learn, and un-learn internalized oppressions and practice liberating spiritualities that empower rather than enslave. We are also convinced  that pastoral theology will learn a great deal from these women if child-rearing is viewed essential to the work of spiritual care and to the future of us all. 

Nereyda (Neddy) Yong, MBA, CASD is an MDiv candidate at San Francisco Theological Seminary and an ordination candidate in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). She is a trained spiritual director and has experience in congregational as well as non-profit leadership. Her work focuses on ways to empower and encourage others (especially women of color) to embody and enact spiritually rooted social change in the world. Together with her partner, Aizaiah Yong, they parent three children: Serenity, Valor, and Rio.

Rev. Aizaiah G. Yong, Ph.D. is Assistant Professor of Practical Theology and Pastoral Care at the Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, CA. He is an ordained Pentecostal Christian minister and spiritual retreat leader. His work explores the intersections between contemplation and social change, critical mixed race studies, internal family systems, and multireligious spiritual practices.

Notes

  1. See Bonnie Miller McLemore’s Also a Mother (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 1994) which documents well the inequitable treatment women, and specifically mothers, have endured within Christian history and theology.
  2. The field of pastoral theology has long been concerned with ways to best attend to and support those who are suffering. Aizaiah Yong has previously written about the importance of analyzing race and intersectionality in the work of spiritually rooted social change. See “All Mixed Up: Multi/Racial Liberation and Compassion Based Activism’ in Religions. Issue 11 (8), 402, 2020.
  3. For a more detailed analysis on the ways society has discounted the role of mothers and the need for social transformation to be intimately connected with how we treat children see The Care Collective’s book (Andreas Chatzidakis, Jamie Hakim, Jo Litter, and Catherine Rottenberg) The Care Manifesto: The politics of interdependence (New York, NY: Verso Books, 2020).
  4. We are grateful to Bonnie Miller McLemore’s Let the Children Come (New York: John Wiley and Sons, 2003) and Emma Percy’s Mothering as a Metaphor for Ministry (London: Routledge, 2014) that are inspirational for us to take seriously the role of parenting in our spiritual lives and overall collective healing.
  5. It has been documented how spirituality can assist in postpartum depression for Black and Latina women, and spirituality has also been found to have positive impacts through the ongoing despair present in pandemic times. See Keefe RH, et al. Ment Health Relig Cult. 2016; doi:10.1080/13674676.2016.1244663.
  6. We have both studied and been guided in practicing both the Compassion Practice by Frank Rogers Jr. as well as Internal Family Systems (IFS) by Richard Schwartz. Here is a brief 5 minute introductory video to IFS that may be helpful to learn more about the model. Both are contemplative practices that help us to relate to the challenges of our lives from a compassionate core. See also the article Aizaiah Yong wrote on how he sees compassion spiritualities supporting healing in “Critical Race Theory Meets Internal Family Systems: Toward a Compassion Spirituality for a Multireligious and Multiracial World” in Journal of Buddhist-Christian Studies (2020).
  7. We are grateful to our friends and loved ones who are Black and Latina mothers and have shared with us their experiences: Cynthia, Carol, Michelle, Alicia, and Alyssa.
  8. We were introduced to Lois A. Pessolano Ehrmann through the IFS Institute and her workbook “Everyone Has Parts: The Self-Led Parents’ Guide to Understanding Your Own,” 2nd edition. This resource has been very helpful in our parenting. She welcomes anyone interested to email her @[email protected] so she can share her work.